Media

December 16, 2007

'If you believe in me, that changes everything'

There will never be a man-version of "Desperate Housewives" because a soap opera called "Desperate Husbands" would be duller than watching paint dry on a test pattern. Nobody wonders, "What do men want?" because everyone knows they only want meatloaf, TV and co-ed indoor sports.

At least, that's what I thought until I visited the Daughters of Sarah graduation at Crossroads Church in Oakley.  About 30 women stood up for 90 seconds to tell about the most important, life-changing thing they learned in the 12-week course. And most of what they learned about marriage and husbands was contained in a word: respect.

"I tell people we teach women how to respect their husbands," said leader Barbara LoVellette, whose husband pastors Faith Church in Milford. "The men usually say, 'Well, sign my wife up.' Respect is a man's language."
She admits that words such as "honor" and "serve" are a tough sell in a culture steeped in feminist independence. "Marriages are failing everywhere," LoVellette said. "A lot of women have bought into that whole thing and they are unhappy, looking for a better way."
The Daughters of Sarah say they've found that better way.
Some said they have ditched their negativity, complaints and stress. Others learned to stop trying to control and manipulate their husbands and trust God.
The class included newlyweds to women married nearly 40 years.
"Greeting my husband at the door with a smile and a kiss has made a huge difference in our relationship," they said.
"God doesn't expect me to be perfect so I shouldn't expect myself to be perfect."
"I realized I was being disrespectful to my husband, even though it was unintentional."
Tina Peterson told about having an argument with her husband, Andy, then going out to get him a Starbucks. He was stunned.
"How is it that I gripe at you and you bring me a Starbucks?" he wondered.
"It's the Daughters of Sarah," she explained.
To which he replied: "God bless those women."
The couples laughed together, shared their personal struggles and reached for boxes of tissues strategically placed around the room.
And when the husbands got up to say a few words, some struggled to speak through tears.
"I wasn't ready for this," said one, after hearing his wife call him "this amazing man that God gave me."
Chuck Mingo asked the men, "How many of you have seen your wife come home in the past weeks and said, 'Who is this woman and when is my wife coming back?'"
The men in the crowd cheered and nodded.
And they talked about a surprising payoff. By modeling love and respect, the women changed their husbands too.
"She's teaching me how I can be a better husband," they said. "I see her transformation and it has caused me to look within myself."
"Oh, yeah, I see a difference," said Mark Shunk, whose wife, Suzy, graduated last spring. As proof, he pulled out his wallet and showed me a note he keeps there: "Thank you for providing for our family," Suzy wrote. "I respect you so much."
LoVellette said, "As adults, we're all affirmation deprived."
How true. It's not magic. Just the miraculous power of heartfelt love and respect.
"What we say can tear a person down, or what we say can encourage a person," said Angela, who came alone because her marriage is falling apart. "There is life and death in the power of the tongue, and I'm choosing to speak words of life to my marriage."
She's right. Too often, we underestimate the power of words.
Such as the ancient wisdom from Ephesians 5:33: A husband "must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Or the words in a song that was sung before the graduation ceremony: "If you believe in me, that changes everything."
Those words are true - for desperate wives and desperate husbands everywhere.

E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 513-768-8301.
Copyright 2007, Enquirer.com

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